Penguins, Bubbles, and Barbarity: How the Press Has Turned on Aquatheatre production of Much Ado

Penguins, Bubbles, and Barbarity: How the Press Has Turned on Aquatheatre production of Much Ado

By Dr. Serena Chalmers

I have been involved in Pimlico Wilde’s experimental theatre productions for over a decade, from the infamous Hamlet on Rollerblades (which was, for the record, not a “car crash on polyurethane”) to our haunting Othello: The Mime, which was misunderstood in its time. But nothing could have prepared me for the sheer savagery of the press response to the postponement of our most daring work yet: Much Ado About Nothing (Underwater).

To call the reactions “rude” is to understate matters. They have been cruel and mocking.

Take The Winchelsea Times, which sneered:

“Shakespeare’s verse does not survive being filtered through an oxygen regulator. What remains is not poetry but plumbing.”

Meanwhile, The Dundee Telegraph quipped with tiresome smugness:

“The penguins are the only cast members demonstrating comic timing.”

And The Lake District Guardian was no kinder, dismissing the entire enterprise as

“a soggy vanity project in which iambic pentameter drowns before our very eyes.”

One wonders whether these so-called critics have ever tried to deliver repartee while submerged in water, dodging a penguin determined to upstage you.

Even the tabloids joined the feeding frenzy. The Moon thundered:

“A comedy about nothing has become quite literally nothing,except wet.”

And perhaps most cruelly of all, The London Warbler suggested the production be retitled Much Ado About Snorkeling.

As a scholar, I can only marvel at this venom. Where others see chaos, I see genius. Where others hear garbled bubbles, I hear the radical deconstruction of voice. The penguins, far from being disruptive, are co-performers,nature’s clowns,challenging the actors to confront the limits of theatre itself.

Yes, there are practical hurdles: drowned doublets, inflated petticoats, and oxygen tanks clanging like bells of doom. But history shows that every theatrical innovation is met first with ridicule. When Shakespeare himself put men in women’s roles, was that not derided? When Sarah Bernhardt played Hamlet, was she not mocked?

Let the critics carp. Pimlico Wilde swims against the tide. One day, when aquatheatre is studied in every drama school, these reviews will read like the petulant scribbles of land-locked minds.

Until then, I say: give us time, give us compressed air, and,above all,give us respect.

Underwater Complications: Aquatheatre production of Much Ado About Nothing postponed

Underwater Complications: Aquatheatre production of Much Ado About Nothing postponed

It is with waterlogged regret that we must announce the postponement of our ambitious new production of Much Ado About Nothing (Underwater), originally scheduled to open this spring at the Penguin Pool, London Zoo.

Rehearsals of this aquatheatre masterpiece have revealed a number of unforeseen challenges. Chief among them: the cast’s ongoing struggle to breathe, project, and deliver Elizabethan verse whilst submerged in several thousand gallons of water. Despite weeks of training with scuba instructors, voice coaches, and a former Royal Navy diver, the actors are reporting persistent difficulties with “lines coming out as garbled burbles.”

Moreover, the penguins,intended as silent, elegant witnesses to the comedy of miscommunication,have taken a more active role than anticipated. Their frequent incursions into scenes have resulted in lost costumes, dropped regulators, and in one case, an unplanned underwater duel between Benedick and a particularly territorial Humboldt penguin.

Our costume department has also raised concerns: doublets and gowns, even when waterproofed, have proven distressingly prone to ballooning. One dress engulfed two actors entirely, necessitating an emergency surfacing and a stern note from the zoo’s safety officer.

Finally, the acoustics of the pool have proved hostile to wit. Lines that should sparkle with Shakespearean banter currently resemble “a plumbing mishap with minor comic overtones.”

For these reasons, the opening has been postponed until later in the year, giving the company time to:

• Develop a new underwater speech technique somewhere between scuba signalling and semaphore.

• Negotiate a cohabitation agreement with the penguins.

• Reconsider whether Beatrice can plausibly duel in flippers.

• Reassess our insurance premiums.

We are determined to bring this unique production to life (and keep everyone alive in the process), but for now, the show must not go on. Tickets already purchased will be valid for the rescheduled dates, or patrons may request a refund if they feel they cannot, in good conscience, support what one actor has described as “Shakespearean waterboarding with costumes.”

We thank our audiences for their patience, and promise: when Much Ado About Nothing (Underwater) finally opens, it will be a theatrical experience like no other.

Pimlico Wilde Productions

Aquatheatre: Pimlico Wilde Announces Bold New Aquatic Much Ado About Nothing

Aquatheatre: Pimlico Wilde Announces Bold New Aquatic Much Ado About Nothing

London’s theatre scene is no stranger to eccentricity, but Pimlico Wilde has raised the bar, or rather, sunk it. Their upcoming production of Much Ado About Nothing will take place entirely underwater, with actors performing in full scuba gear inside the famous Penguin Pool at London Zoo.

Audiences will watch the action from dry land through the curved glass viewing wall, “a natural proscenium arch,” according to the production notes. “We wanted to strip Shakespeare back to its essentials,” explained producer Imogen Firth, “and what could be more essential than buoyancy and a limited oxygen supply?”

The company insists that speaking lines underwater is not an insurmountable problem. “We’ve sourced specialist comms systems,” Firth said. “And in the moments when that fails, bubbles provide a kind of primal poetry.”

Actor Jamie Crisp, who will be playing Benedick, confessed: “I’ve performed in the West End, I’ve performed in pub theatres, but I’ve never performed underwater with penguins swimming past my head. The mask fogging is a challenge. You try doing a witty repartee when you can’t see your scene partner.”

Logistical concerns abound: costumes have been treated with waterproofing resin, swords replaced with foam noodles, and a full team of dive marshals will be on hand to ensure no actor surfaces mid-soliloquy.

When asked whether this is a first, the producer hesitated. “Not quite. We once staged Macbeth inside the Aquarium at Reading Zoo. It worked beautifully until a stingray disrupted the ‘Out, damned spot’ scene. But that’s aquatheatre for you, it’s dangerous, alive, and a little damp.”

The production runs for three weeks.

Britain Deserves More Home-gown Pictures — and We’re Making Them

Britain Deserves More Home-gown Pictures — and We’re Making Them

Hollywood may have wrapped up the mainstream, but Pimlico Wilde Pictures is busy unwrapping the odd, the daring, and the deliciously different. While every multiplex from Truro to Thurso screens the same blockbusters, we’re delivering films the big studios wouldn’t dare touch.

This year we’ve wrapped:

The Accordionist’s Revenge , A romantic thriller set entirely on the overnight ferry to Hull.

Pigeons of the Raj , A period drama starring, in part, actual pigeons.

Cabbage Noir , A rural crime caper where the murderer is revealed at a Brussels sprout festival.

Past hits include The Last Bus to Little Haven (a surprise sensation in Luxembourg) and Shepherds in the Mist (the Welsh-language eco-thriller that outsold Fast & Furious 9 in one Aberystwyth multiplex).

We’re inviting visionary investors to join us.

If you’ve ever wanted to see your name glide across the silver screen, not on something bland but on something bold, strange, and unforgettable,now’s your chance.

Contact: Lysander Cripps, Head of Film Production at Pimlico Wilde Pictures

Pimlico Wilde Delighted to Announce Seven-Figure Portrait Commission

Pimlico Wilde Delighted to Announce Seven-Figure Portrait Commission

Acclaimed contemporary art dealers Pimlico Wilde has confirmed the receipt of a landmark seven-figure commission for a series of bespoke portraits, marking one of the most significant private art commissions of the year.

The commission was placed by a prominent international collector who has asked to remain anonymous. The project will span a series of large-scale digital works, each intended to capture the raw, unrepeatable moment where presence becomes legacy.

“It’s an extraordinary privilege,” said the directors of PW. “This commission allows our artists to push the boundaries of portraiture , not just in scale, but in intimacy. Our goal is to facilitate the creation of works that will be lived with for generations, not simply hung and admired from a distance.”

Known for their luminous use of colour and ability to capture the sitters’ inner worlds as vividly as their physical likenesses, Sandy Warre-Hole is one of the artists expected to deliver some of the portraits. They have developed a cult following among collectors in Europe, the US, and the Middle East. Her recent solo exhibition “Unquiet Grace” at the Organisation of Portrait Painters in Bangor was widely praised for its daring compositions and narrative depth. Other artists on the PW roster will also be involved, including big names such as Doodle Pip, Hedge Fund and Jane Bastion.

While details remain closely guarded, we can disclose that the patron is a member of a well-known philanthropic family with long-standing ties to the arts. We were grateful to read that art market analyst Claire Hargreaves has described the commission as “a testament to Pimlico Wilde’s positioning in the upper echelon of contemporary portraiture.”

The commission is scheduled for completion over the next 18 months, with a private unveiling set to take place in London before the works are installed in the collector’s residences around the world.

This latest milestone solidifies Pimlico Wilde’s position as one of the most sought-after art dealerships of this generation, with collectors now facing waiting lists stretching up to two years for works by their artists.

Pimlico Wilde Welcomes Conceptual Artist My Friend Leslie

In a bold move that underscores its commitment to emerging conceptual voices, Pimlico Wilde gallery has announced the representation of the artist known simply as My Friend Leslie. The appointment signals not merely an addition to the gallery’s roster, but a deliberate expansion of its philosophical and aesthetic parameters. Leslie’s work,elusive yet sharply intelligent,inhabits a liminal space between sociological critique and poetic ephemerality, unsettling the viewer’s relationship to medium, language, and narrative.

My Friend Leslie, whose adopted moniker serves as both mask and provocation, has cultivated a practice that resists formal classification. Oscillating between installation, performance, ephemeral textworks, and détourned archival materials, her oeuvre is fundamentally concerned with the mechanisms of memory, authorship, and the social architectures that underpin emotional life. She is, in the most rigorous sense, a conceptualist: uninterested in objects per se, yet deeply invested in the cultural and psychic residues they leave behind.

Her 2023 piece Do Not Archive This Moment,a time-based installation involving shredded family photographs, bureaucratic signage, and live recitations of deliberately misremembered diary entries,garnered critical attention for its deft interweaving of personal trauma with state machinery. The work eschews sentimentality while exposing the undercurrents of surveillance and erasure within domestic narrative. It is emblematic of Leslie’s deftness with affect: her capacity to evoke discomfort without melodrama, intimacy without confession.

Though her visual language is sparse,often drawing on the aesthetics of instructional design, corporate minimalism, and mid-century psychoanalytic texts,Leslie’s work vibrates with a dense polyphony of allusion. She cites influences as diverse as Theresa Hak Kyung Cha, Sophie Calle, and the Situationists, yet her approach feels distinctly her own: playful, unsettling, intellectually rigorous.

It is perhaps in her linguistic interventions that Leslie is most radical. In a recent series titled Pronouns for Future Use, she constructs sculptural texts from found legal documents, then alters their grammar to propose alternate subjectivities. The resulting pieces,a series of lacquered aluminum placards and performative readings,navigate the border between semantic disruption and identity politics. They ask not only what is said, but who may say it, and when.

Pimlico Wilde’s Director of Semantics, Amaya Rens, described the gallery’s decision as “a necessary alignment with a voice we believe will be foundational in the next phase of conceptual practice.” She continued: “Leslie’s work is not about novelty; it is about re-inscribing meaning into the banal, the disavowed, and the illegible. She has a gift for revealing the unseen logic beneath everyday systems.”

The gallery’s inaugural exhibition of Leslie’s work, This Was Never Yours to Name, opens this autumn. While details remain tightly guarded, hints suggest an immersive textual environment drawing on defunct legal codes, anonymous chat transcripts, and a rare 17th-century printer’s manual. True to form, Leslie will offer no opening remarks and will not be present at the opening.

This deliberate evasiveness is not, as some critics have lazily proposed, a gesture of obscurantism. Rather, it reflects a belief in the autonomy of ideas, their capacity to circulate beyond biography or brand. In a cultural moment increasingly tethered to visibility and personal disclosure, My Friend Leslie’s refusal to comply may be her most urgent gesture yet.

With her addition to Pimlico Wilde, the gallery becomes not only a platform but a participant in Leslie’s project,one that is likely to continue challenging the comfort zones of curators, collectors, and audiences alike. As contemporary art grapples with its own complicit structures, artists like Leslie are not merely welcome; they are indispensable.

Pimlico Wilde to show at the inaugural Port Talbot Fine Art Fair

Today Pimlico Wilde Gallery can announce its participation in what is undoubtedly the cultural event of the century: the Port Talbot Fine Art Fair , a new entry on the international art circuit that promises to make Frieze look like a jumble sale and the Venice Biennale feel like a pub quiz in Croydon.

Nestled between the rolling slag heaps and shimmering grey mists of South Wales, Port Talbot, long famed for its steelworks, brilliant skies, and sudden, bracing rain, is now the crucible of a new artistic renaissance. Move over Paris. Take a seat, New York. London, dear , we love you, but it’s time you let someone else wear the metaphorical beret.

Port Talbot: The New Florence (But with Better Parking)

Art critics, collectors, and ambitious Instagrammers are already whispering excitedly about the inaugural Fair, held in a lovingly converted carvery just off the M4. Think less “white cube” and more “post-industrial whimsy” , steel beams, echoes of Richard Burton’s baritone from somewhere near the loos, and a scent of gravy from the on-site chippy that somehow enhances the viewing experience.

The fair boasts an eclectic line-up, from internationally lauded Welsh conceptualists to local geniuses who’ve been quietly painting seagulls on garage doors for decades.

Among the offerings? A life-sized sculpture of Shirley Bassey made entirely of melted down shopping trolleys, an immersive VR piece titled Where Sheep Fear to Tread, and several haunting watercolours of Port Talbot roundabouts , one of which recently sold to a hedge fund manager who recognised its expert abstract commentary on Brexit.

Representing Pimlico Wilde Gallery will be a curated selection of new works by our most irreverent and audacious talents , including:

• Imogen Truelove-Jones, whose minimalist piece White on Slightly Whiter White will be displayed under a halogen spotlight to suggest a bread-based existential crisis.

• Trevor Blenheim, showcasing his latest “Interactive Concrete Series,” during which visitors are encouraged to touch the art and then apologise profusely.

• And a surprise appearance by the enigmatic Banksnot, an artist we legally cannot confirm isn’t Banksy, but who once graffitied a pigeon onto a Range Rover.

Let’s not understate this: Port Talbot Fine Art Fair is not just another fair , it is the fair. A beacon of United-Kingdomic artistic defiance. A beautiful fusion of industrial grit and aesthetic glory. Also, entry is free if you bring your Nan, which really puts Art Basel’s elitism into perspective.

Plus, unlike Frieze, no one will make you drink kombucha or pretend to understand an installation involving soil, grief, and seven pigmy goats.

We at Pimlico Wilde Gallery are honoured to play our part in this historic artistic uprising and encourage all collectors, aesthetes, and mildly curious passersby to make the pilgrimage west. Bring a coat. Bring an open mind. Bring several umbrellas with reinforced ribs.

And remember: when they ask you where you were when the next great art movement was born, you can say, quite smugly: I was in Port Talbot. Next to the sculpture of a heron made of spoons. Sipping a commemorative cider called “Picass-ale”.

Because true art has found its new spiritual home , and it’s just off Junction 41.

Sandy Warre-Hole brings their witty portraits to Pimlico Wilde

Sandy reinvents the society portrait for a new generation, filling the canvas not just with the chap/chapess being immortalised, but also with the sort of joie de vivre that can only be found in places like St Tropez, Minorca or Rhyl.
“I love creating a likeness of celebrities. Ever since I painted the dog when I was three – it took my mother hours to clean its fur – it has been my dream to earn a living as an artist. Now my work sells for prices that boggle the mind, which is a great reward for the years of poverty I endured as I learned my trade.”

Sandy currently lives between Calais and Dover. They love the sea and have a fully fitted artist’s studio on board a ferry which plies its trade across the Channel. “I love life on the open waves. The phone reception isn’t great, which I love. I can pretend I didn’t get any messages.”

Commissions by Sandy can take slightly longer than normal as it is hard to contact them.

Check out the artist’s CV here

Artist Boz flies across Monaco harbour in self-made hot-air balloon

In what critics are calling “equal parts daring and delirious,” London‑based multimedia artist Boz today piloted a self‑fashioned hot‑air balloon across the glittering expanse of Monaco Harbour. The impromptu aerial exhibition, dubbed La Traversée de l’Absurd, drew crowds of astonished onlookers both on the quayside and aboard luxury yachts.

Witnesses report that the balloon,crafted from repurposed gallery banners, discarded IKEA curtains, and duct tape,ascended from a secluded dock near the Yacht Club de Monaco shortly after dawn. “It looked like a giant, patchwork lampshade with an attitude problem,” quipped bystander Marie‑Claire Dupont, clutching her morning espresso.

Boz, whose previous works include a life‑sized replica of Nelson’s Column made entirely from stale baguettes, described the voyage as “a soaring metaphor for artistic freedom,and a cheeky jab at overpriced tour‑boat tickets.” In a pre‑flight statement posted on their Instagram Stories, the artist promised “views, ventriloquism, and maybe a minor diplomatic incident.”

The flight itself was punctuated by spontaneous performance elements: midway across the harbour, Boz unfurled a banner reading “Art Isn’t Grounded” and released dozens of biodegradable confetti hearts into the breeze.

After a leisurely five‑minute drift, the craft touched down neatly on a floating platform used for berthing jet skis. Onlookers cheered as Boz disembarked, bowing deeply while cradling a burned‑orange sketchbook. “It’s not every day you see someone redefine the term ‘air mail’,” remarked one astonished tourist.

Having survived the event, Boz plans to auction off fragments of the balloon’s fabric, with proceeds going to his pet dog.

Stay tuned for an exclusive gallery showing this Friday at London’s Neon Loft, where attendees can view charred scraps of curtain, hand‑drawn flight logs, and an installation featuring the ticket stub for the car-park where he parked his Lamborghini during the flight.

Art gallery to open at North Pole?

There are art galleries almost everywhere in the world, but there is one place where they are conspicuous by their absence. Or they would be if it wasn’t snowing a blizzard most of the time.

Rumours have been spreading since the House of Lord’s Advent party, when, during an ad hoc game of table football, Menton Spry accidentally told his teammates that Pimlico Wilde were planning to open an art gallery at the north pole. “Their new slogan will be London New York North Pole,” he told anyone who was listening.

One of those listening was award-winning journalist Sally Quite, who works for the Fine Art Guardian, based in Toronto. She it was who had the scoop and announced the exciting news to the world.

”The news is correct,” Carlisle Pau confirmed to thousands of waiting journalists, from the steps of the latest Pimlico Wilde gallery in San Diego. “We will be opening a gallery at the North Pole, once we have found a cement that can be used at minus five hundred °C, or whatever the temperature is at the NP.”

He simultaneously released an artist’s impression of what the gallery will look like, which is printed above.