Fine Art press releases

Pimlico Wilde is an art gallery of actual art works by pseudonymous artists.

Pimlico Wilde pleased to announce new sitcom based on life in their art gallery: We know our Arts from our Elbows

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In collaboration with GTV and Defort Films, life at the London art dealer Pimlico Wilde will be made into a sitcom with a first season of twenty-four episodes in production already. 

“Life in an art dealer is pretty much non-stop hilarity and laughter, so it is ideal for a sitcom. There has not been a sitcom set in an art dealership since the Fifties, when Your Painting or Your Life was broadcast. That only lasted for seven seasons and we have already signed up for ten seasons.”

As a taster we have been given the titles of the first few episodes.

  1. Whoops! Hanging Pictures is Harder than it Looks. A harassed gallerist accidentally hammers a nail through a renaissance masterpiece, an hour before the King is coming to buy the piece…
  2. It is by Monet! A collector is unsure whether the painting he has paid $450,000,000 for is actually a Monet. The gallerist assures him that it is and proves it by burning it quickly – Monet is known to have used very flammable paints…
  3. I though Julia and Donna were your wife and daughter? A misunderstanding leads to an artist having to paint portraits of a billionaire’s favourite hedgehogs…

In associated news, the FTV have announced that they will be reshowing the original episodes of Your Painting or Your Life saying, “Your Painting or Your Life is a wonderful look at fine art in the days of Dick Turpin. If the old series is well received we will be commissioning new episodes.”

Sports sponsorship – Chelsea Elephant Polo

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Pimlico Wilde are pleased to announce their sponsorship of the Chelsea Elephant Polo team, starting with this weekend’s World Series taking place in Blackpool sur Mer. As part of the deal all the team members (human not elephant) receive a stunning artwork worth over £50,000 to hang in their stable.

Manager of the Chelsea Elephant Polo team, Ale Corbe says “Most elephant polo teams are sponsored by elephant food companies, but this sponsorship deal with Pimlico Wilde shows us to be at the cutting edge of Elephantine sports. Elephant polo is not an excessively expensive sport, but there are certain costs – you have to buy your elephant, transport it to England, teach it to play polo, etc, etc. So our players and supporters are well positioned to purchase Pimlico’s expensive fine art, especially any elephant-based pictures.”

At the announcement event Acting-CEO of Pimlico Wilde, Stevenson Rockett broke the world record for most Champagne bottles sabred in 90 mins. He commented, “Elephant polo is one of the great sports, worldwide more people follow elephant polo than football and basketball combined. The app Elephant Polo News is the most downloaded sports app in history. So we are honoured to be involved with elephant polo and hope to sell many works of art to poloists. I mean we hope to support elephant polo in Kensington and Chelsea, and see it grow, until it is – with our logo – on TV as often as less exciting sports like football.”

Pimlico Wilde publishing division launch party – great success, except for the theft

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The launch party for the new Pimlico Wilde publishing division was a relatively quiet affair, with no more than three noise abatement orders issued during the seventeen hour event that welcomed stars of the fine art, publishing and sports world to our little townhouse/gallery/emporium in central London. It was only slightly overshadowed by the theft of Lady Hannibal’s Gold and diamond-encrusted straw, which she takes everywhere nowadays to use instead of the paper straws that turn to papier-mâché after two sucks.

Shannon Drifte, author of the North American best seller How to find Oil in almost any back garden broke the world record for number of books signed in one sitting, breaking the record set in Iraq by Hekan Al Bitte’s book Buy this book or get shot by the secret police. Managing director Rominee Plantonane announced the first roster of books that would be published by the imprint: “We have won the bidding war to publish QWERTY is not a Word, the new Scrabble-based murder mystery set in the high stakes world of both online Scrabbling and the Monte Carlo Scrabblathon by A.K.Seepe. And we have the rights to the upcoming catalogue raisonné of Bangladeshi micro-sculptor B.P. Rohingya whose work is so small that none of it has ever actually been seen. Not to mention tomes that will be the talk of London and New York, like 12th century Anglo-Welsh Duelling Customs and Footballers I have had my photo taken with.”

Writers with interesting book proposals in genres from Religion to Murder mysteries, Health to Sport or frankly any subject except for serial killer memoirs should get in touch.

We cannot publish any photographs from the event until the police deem the location is no longer a crime scene. If anyone is offered a gold and diamond straw they are asked to contact the police.

Monsieur Lick – one of very few artists to create work with food colourings and his tongue

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”My work is unique, but more and more students are asking me for advice. They are finding oil painting passé, and Lick art is the next big thing that they are turning to. What is it? The tongue is the most important organ in the body. To not use it for art for centuries is ridiculous. Anyone has a tongue, anyone can create Lick art. But very few people can master the medium.

Gur Wallop gets funding for Vegan Lions project

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One of the most forward thinking artworks in years has got the go ahead, with Gur Wallop’s Vegan Lions set to take the contemporary art world by storm. “Very pleased,” Gur said, “I’ve been planning this piece for ten years. It is high time that the lion population of the world became vegan. The journey there will be documented meticulously, and we will be showing the work in museums around the world.”

Wallop’s project is one of the few to marry lions, veganism and large-scale oil painting. “Every lion that converts to veganism for more than a week will be embodied in a full-size portrait. These will be available for collectors to buy, but only if they are vegan.”

Could you pass the caviar? Great new show at Hake & Little gallery

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A wonderful evening at Hake & Little, a superb gallery on Lisson St run by the expert gallerist Potty Polstine. All of her shows are exquisite, but Paulo Deffer’s “Could you pass the caviar?” is a once in a lifetime experience. Eleven and a half paintings, all in the style of Rembrandt, filtered through Keith Haring, with a touch of El Greco, and, I felt, although not everyone agreed with me, just a soupçon of Jackson Pollock.

I’d like to show you a photograph, but Paulo is very protective of his work, and everyone who went into the gallery was forced to hand over their phones, which he then crushed using a rotary drill and a hired JCB. “My work can only be seen in person, in situ, a photograph does not do it justice.”

He is probably right about that as each piece soars into the eaves of the building, the largest being almost fifty metres square. Potty told us that she had had to have an upward extension to the gallery in order to fit the paintings in.

”My work is about the delays on the circle line,” Paulo explained, “Mixed with a sense of dread about the future of underground railways generally, and the Roma metro in particular. My Italian background, and the fact I grew up in Port Talbot enables me to really understand the threats, problems and issues that subterranean transport suffers from in the 21st century.”

We at Pimlico Wilde are very lucky to have poached Paolo from Hake & Little, and we will be proud to put on his next show. He says that he will move from painting into 3D work, with the working title of the show being “Fifty-six smashed iPhones.”

Classic Bin photo

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Art critic Penelope St Jean writes…

This project by Oboe Ngua is one of those series of works that should be mentioned in the same breath as Rembrandt’s portraits, Michelangelo’s ceilings and even Billy Whaler’s epic paintings of asparagus spears from Suffolk allotments.

This particular photo is a classic of the series, an image where the ethereal beauty of the bin, qua bin, meticulously sits in an empty road, showing the links between human creativity and rubbish – trash to our North American friends. When you understand the aims of Oboe, this work is truly awe inspiring. I am certain that in the future – as long as a far-sighted museum purchases an entire edition –  more people will visit and enjoy these bin photos than will visit the Sistine Chapel.

’But it’s just a picture of a bin,’ I have heard people say. What reductive madness makes people spout such nonsense. This is not just a bin, this is the classic, perfect, proto-bin, the bin of the people. This image shouts to us about the failings of democracy and the pained panic of so many 21st century endeavours. Any museum who doesn’t have this bin picture – or another from the series – on their walls asap, reveals themselves to be, in my opinion, not a serious gallery and I would advise boycotting them until they have a Binoto work in their collection.

Rishi Sunak – the Leaving Downing Street album

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”The latest album cover from Carbine is a classic of the fine art album cover genre, a genre that he is swiftly making his own. With deliberate reference to covers by Nirvana, Slippery Hugh and The Swimming Pool Duo, Carbine has created a piece that sings with both political intrigue and Mediterranean holiday vibes. Not many artists can combine such diverse influences with such panache and sheer excitement but Carbine manages to sideswipe the viewer with his left field extravaganza.

Everyone who sees the cover is thrown into a pool of not just water, but realpolitik. Whose feet can we see, we ask, why are there only three feet? Has there been a terrible disaster? Yes – here Carbine cleverly refers obliquely to the failure of the Sunak government. But he does it with joy, with effervescence, with a delight in the political status quo and a desire for everyone to put their feet metaphorically in a pool – though the font of the album’s name makes it clear he believes this is illusory.”

Aphrodite Zimmerman, art advisor and collector of coffee shop cups.

Edition of 10

Watercolour artist and amateur rocket scientist Saki Pentona – “The art world is too parochial, too focused on earth”

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“The art world is too parochial, too focused on the earth. I intend to be the first artist to exhibit on Mars. My work currently consists of my plans, designs and blueprints for space rockets, Mars houses and associated necessaries. Living on Mars will be a huge step forward for mankind, and my work will be at the forefront of the push to live on other planets. This will be a struggle, it will make Fitzcarraldo’s endeavours look like a stroll round Hyde Park, but I will be there, the first coloniser of Mars.”

Saki is currently designing the flag for his colony on Mars, and finalising the design of the space rocket which should launch from the top of Mount Snowdon in late 2025. Collectors who would like copies of his designs (signing an agreement not to use them to build their own space rocket) are welcome to purchase – proceeds will help finance the first Earth2Mars Rocket and colony.

Anyone interested in going to Mars with Saki should get in touch. For the test flight to the moon you will need your own space suit and a packed lunch.