Pell Mell is not the sporting force it was a few centuries ago, but there are still pockets of the country where it is more popular than football, soccer and spin the Trencher combined. Pell Mell captain Rory Spittoon commented, “This is wonderful news, better even than the birth of my fourteenth daughter. With Pimlico Wilde behind us English Pell Mell will hopefully race up the international standings. We are currently thirtieth in the world, just behind Monaco and Bangladesh, but being the inventors of the sport we should be in the top two or three.”