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The Catalogue Essay for Stillness in Orbit: The Slow Modernities of Ellinor Cade

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Dr. Penelope Voss, Reader in Temporal Aesthetics, University of Lowestoft

“We do not dwell in time as much as we loiter beside it, occasionally brushing the hem of its garment.”

, Ellinor Cade, notebook fragment, undated

To approach the work of Ellinor Cade is to enter an architecture of deceleration,a perceptual corridor where the modernist impulse to propel forward is reversed, turned inside out, and folded gently over itself like soft paper. For five decades, Cade has devoted herself to the study and expression of what she calls “slowed agencies”: phenomena that resist urgency, elude spectacle, and enact duration as a form of defiance.

Her work belongs to no school. It resembles the output of no other artist. While she was once loosely affiliated with the Anodic Materialists (an obscure Essex collective devoted to “non-conductive sculpture”), Cade has consistently eluded categorisation. Her practice occupies a unique interstice between kinetic minimalism, speculative astronomy, and what I have elsewhere termed chronoscepticism,the aesthetic suspicion of time’s supposed direction.

I. On Motion Without Movement

In Stillness in Orbit, Cade draws us into the cosmology of the barely perceptible. The title itself encapsulates a contradiction: to orbit is to be in constant motion, yet stillness implies an ontological fixity. Cade thrives in such contradictions.

Consider Satellite I: Holding Pattern (1994), a suspended bronze sculpture that rotates imperceptibly via ambient air currents generated by visitors’ breath. The piece, though tethered to Newtonian logic, refuses spectacle. It is not so much “seen” as it is gradually understood. One curator described it as “the sensation of watching something change while being unsure it ever has.”

This is Cade at her most assertive: unhurried, quiet, unbending.

II. The Liturgy of Dust

Dust, for Cade, is not detritus but data,evidence of time’s sedimentary drift. Her series Chrono-Palinopsia (2008,2012), comprises photographs taken at three-month intervals of a single empty shelf in her garden shed. Presented in a 6-metre row of grey matte prints, the piece is a slow cinema of accumulation.

Cade writes: “Dust refuses to perform. It cannot be posed, sculpted, or rushed. It is the patron saint of neglected surfaces and undervalued minutes.”

In a world addicted to velocity, her work demands a contemplative stamina bordering on the monastic.

III. Lamps, Moths, and the Gravity of Small Things

Perhaps the most psychologically resonant installation in this exhibition is Aphelion Interior (with Moth) (1999), a 12-minute video showing a single moth endlessly circling a chandelier in a disused Georgian laundry. Filmed in real time with no cuts and projected at 70% speed, the video creates a temporal vertigo,an exquisite visual tic that recasts the insect not as pest, but as pilgrim.

In Cade’s work, the humble moth becomes a metaphor for persistence without progress. “To circle,” she reminds us, “is not to err. It is to rehearse belonging.”

The setting of the laundry,a space of former cleansing, now abandoned,functions as what Gaston Bachelard might call a “poetic ruin.” Here, architectural decay serves not as backdrop but as collaborator.

IV. Resistance Through Retardation

Cade’s practice has, since the 1970s, articulated a political subtlety often overlooked in contemporary criticism. In her early “walkworks” (now sadly lost to entropy and budget cuts), she recorded herself walking backwards through train stations, mimicking the flow of the crowd while moving against it. It was, she said, “a kind of protest against chronological coercion.”

Her resistance is never polemic. It is gravitational. She slows the world not through confrontation, but through the invitation to linger.

V. The Orbits We Choose

The exhibition’s final piece, Lagrange Body (Waiting for Collapse) (2025), was created specifically for this retrospective. It consists of a delicate mobile made of mirrored acrylic, rust, and fragments of discarded notebook paper, suspended inside a glass column that visitors may enter one at a time. The structure is lit by solar fluctuations, making its cast shadows shift unpredictably throughout the day.

On one scrap of paper, placed deliberately just out of reach, Cade has handwritten: It is not the moving that matters. It is the manner of being held.

This final gesture encapsulates the emotional freight of her work. What appears passive is not inert. What seems still is orbiting.

Conclusion

To encounter Ellinor Cade’s practice is to be reminded of one’s own breathing, of the friction of dust beneath fingertips, of the unknowable distances between a hand and a shadow. Her work insists on temporal reconfiguration,not a rebellion against time, but a reconciliation with its gentler dimensions.

In an age continually subjected to velocity and performative attention, Stillness in Orbit offers something far more subversive: an aesthetic of endurance, humility, and durational grace.

It is not work that shouts. It listens, and it invites us,if only briefly,to do the same.

Dr. Penelope Voss

Reader in Temporal Aesthetics

University of Lowestoft

Author of The Slow Sublime: Time and the Unhurried Eye (Grendel & Clyne, 2022)

A quick survey of upcoming exhibitions in London

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1. Stillness in Orbit: The Slow Modernities of Ellinor Cade

Venue: Saville Row Gallery

Dates: 2 September , 19 November 2025

An exquisite and near-completist retrospective of Ellinor Cade’s oeuvre, Stillness in Orbit excavates her lifelong obsession with arrested motion – dust motes, satellite drift, the overlooked inertia of a revolving door. Installations include rotating lenticular sculptures powered by visitors’ breath, and a 12-minute video of a moth circling a chandelier in an abandoned Georgian bathhouse. The accompanying catalogue essay by Dr. Penelope Voss is a minor treatise on Stillness and is this month’s recommended read.

We are lucky enough to have been allowed to publish the essay here.

2. The Grammar of Smoke: Reconstructing the Aether Archive

Venue: Victor Dressel Institute of Contemporary Art

Dates: 14 August , 30 October 2025

Part speculative archaeology, part olfactory essay, this group exhibition imagines the lost art of 19th-century “aether drawing” , ephemeral sketches made by manipulating smoke within glass domes. Using reconstructed apparatuses and pseudo-scientific notation, participating artists (including Lin Xue, Ariya Hossain, and Theodore Jemmett) reanimate forgotten rituals of sensory documentation. Visitors are invited to inhale curated scent-clouds while listening to field recordings of delicate coughing.

3. Eva Demarch: Misfiled Bodies

Venue: The Cardman Institute

Dates: 28 July , 4 November 2025

With chilling intellectual precision, Eva Demarch interrogates the bureaucracies of embodiment through a forensic re-staging of misplaced anatomical drawings from obscure 17th-century anatomy catalogues. Graphite, vellum, and bureaucratic error congeal into a conceptual autopsy of taxonomy. The centrepiece: a twelve-metre scroll titled Index of Imagined Organs, composed entirely of miscatalogued spleens. A must-see for connoisseurs of bureaucracy.

4. Florilegium Reversed: The Botanic Unbecoming in Contemporary Sculpture

Venue: Camden Botanica & Visual Arts Pavilion (CBVAP)

Dates: 4 September , 12 December 2025

This horticulturally-inclined exhibition inverts the classical florilegium, placing decay and vegetal subversion at the heart of the curatorial thesis. Organic matter , bruised lilies, rhubarb skeletons, and creeping lichen , cohabit with bronze casts and biodegradable resins. Notable is Clara Yeoh’s Portrait of a Wilt, a slowly imploding peony encased in alginate. An exquisite meditation on the transience of botanical categorisation.

5. Henrik van der Meel: The Architecture of Pause

Venue: Exhibition Road North

Dates: 18 October 2025 , 29 January 2026

Van der Meel, the reclusive Dutch “interval architect,” constructs a series of non-functional corridors, false foyers, and anti-rooms inside the Exhibition Road North wing. Visitors are required to navigate the exhibition through a sequence of near-identical vestibules where time appears to dilate and decisions become performative. Soundscapes by Lina Gabor mimic forgotten announcements. A masterclass in architectural absurdity and the dramaturgy of indecision.

6. Ineluctable Modesty: Unlabelled Works from the Bradwell Collection

Venue: The Museum of Gentleman’s Art (Bloomsbury)

Dates: 10 September , 3 January 2026

This elegant and quietly disorienting show reveals for the first time a tranche of paintings and objects once rejected from major collections for being too bland. Curated anonymously, the exhibition includes T iny canvases no larger than coasters, subdued colour fields in soft umber, and a series of sculptures described only as ‘unCanovian’.

7. No Exit (but Several Entrances): Situational Cartographies by R.A. Sundquist

Venue: The Barbican Sub-Level 5

Dates: Ongoing (Visitors admitted irregularly)

A semi-mythical exhibition by cartographic conceptualist R.A. Sundquist, installed without announcement in the subterranean vaults of the Barbican. Entry requires finding one of six unmarked brutalist staircases, each leading to alternate layouts. The exhibition includes false maps of real cities, real maps of imaginary rivers, and a room containing nothing but laminated portraits of London cabbies. A rare chance to feel sincerely and exquisitely lost.

8. Sediment & Semaphore: Dialogues in Geolinguistics

Venue: The Geological Society of Worcester x Brickall Collaboration

Dates: 22 September , 1 February 2026

Melding semiotics with stratigraphy, this collaborative effort draws on geological layers as a form of semiotic memory. Artists interpret fault lines, erosion patterns, and mineral seams as language , with one striking installation by Rashid Haroun, where seismic vibrations from ancient tectonic collisions are translated into Morse code and broadcast on BBC4 instead of the Shipping Forecast. Wonderful.

Sandy Warre-Hole – But Was This the End?, 2025

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Digital illustration on archival print

But Was This the End? is a question, an echo, a final frame with no clear origin. In this hauntingly sleek work, Sandy Warre-Hole once again straddles the blurred boundary between narrative and void, assembling a digital portrait that feels more like a film still pulled from a non-existent noir, one where the femme fatale is also the protagonist, the author, and the product.

Rendered in their now-iconic style of flattened colour planes and unapologetically artificial features, Warre-Hole delivers a stark, frontal image of a woman with peroxide-blonde hair, oversized black sunglasses, and crimson lips – the triumvirate of glamour, opacity, and danger. She is instantly iconic and yet somehow anonymous, her identity concealed both literally and metaphorically. This is not a likeness, but a symbol. She could be anyone. She could be everyone.

And then, in the lower left corner, that enigmatic phrase: But was this the end? Typeset in a box that recalls comic book captions or the credits of a telenovela, it injects a cinematic temporality into an otherwise static image. The text implies narrative while simultaneously denying it, a trick Warre-Hole executes with surgical precision. Is this an ending, or merely a beat before the next performance begins?

Visually, the image owes a debt to Pop’s legacy , Warhol, of course, looms large , but Warre-Hole diverges from mere replication by incorporating the affectless sheen of post-social-media visual culture. This is not celebrity idolisation; it is brand embodiment. The woman here is less a person than a constructed shell: sunglasses like screens, lips like emojis, hair like a marketing choice.

Yet, far from being cynical, But Was This the End? is infused with a subtle melancholy. The shadow of a tear (or is it a glitch?) at her cheek suggests vulnerability beneath the polish. The green background , unmodulated and clinical , evokes the blankness of a green screen, hinting that this entire image might be a set waiting to be filled in. We do not see the world around her because there is no world , only projection.

Critically, Warre-Hole inserts her artist’s monogram into the top corner with a flourish that recalls both street art tagging and couture branding. This ambiguous gesture , is it signature, logo, or graffiti? , underscores the tension at the heart of her work: the personal and the performative, the authentic and the constructed.

In the broader context of Warre-Hole’s practice, But Was This the End? may be read as a meditation on digital closure: the desire for endings in an age of endless scrolls, open tabs, and fragmented timelines. It is a lament for narrative coherence , and a sly acknowledgment that we may no longer need it.

Michelangelo’s Socks Fetch Record Price at Auction

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Yesterday a pair of 16th-century woollen socks – allegedly once worn by Michelangelo Buonarroti and lent, in a moment of Renaissance generosity, to none other than Leonardo da Vinci – sold at Wimble Bryton Auction House for a staggering £28 million, setting a new world record for socks.

The socks, modest in appearance and visibly threadbare in the heel, were described by the auction catalogue as “rustic but masterful in weave, possibly Florentine in origin, with light odour consistent with a diet of salted fish.”

The Story Behind the Socks

According to the auction house’s documentation – a blend of scholarly research, 17th-century marginalia, and what one expert called “ambitious inference” – the socks are believed to have been owned by Michelangelo in his later years. A marginal note found in a 1565 inventory of the artist’s belongings mentions “due calzini lanosi, usati, ma solidi” (“two woollen socks, worn but sturdy”).

There is also a mention in a letter fragment from Leonardo’s assistant, Francesco Melzi, dated 1504, which reads:

“The master did journey to Florence, but on arrival was troubled, for the rain had been great and his socks were soaked in the Arno. The sculptor Buonarroti, though at odds with the master on matters of anatomy and divinity, offered his own pair. They were warm. There was some irritation at the ankle, but no lasting quarrel.”

Historians have debated the veracity of this anecdote for centuries, but that hasn’t stopped believers – or bidders.

Bidding War: Passion, Prestige, and Footnotes

The auction began with a modest starting bid of £12,000, but quickly escalated when an anonymous bidder , rumoured to be an Italian fashion house CEO with a Michelangelo tattoo , entered the fray against a consortium of Florentine museum curators and a Swiss hedge fund with an emerging interest in Renaissance undergarments.

At one point, the auctioneer described the socks as “the very threads upon which two of the greatest minds in human history once tiptoed”. That, reportedly, is when the room gasped and the bid jumped by £500,000.

When the hammer finally fell at £28 million, applause broke out. A woman in the second row was seen dabbing her eyes.

Authenticity: Soft, but Strong Claims

Experts remain divided on the socks’ provenance. Textile analyst Dr. Emilia Bartók says the stitching is “consistent with Florentine handcraft of the early 1500s,” and carbon dating places the wool between 1480 and 1520. “Could it have been Michelangelo’s? Yes,” she said. “Could it also have belonged to someone else with cold feet? Also yes.”

Others are less cautious. “They’re Michelangelo’s socks. You can just feel it,” insisted noted art theorist Lars DiVentura. “They give off the same melancholy vibe as the north wall of the Sistine Chapel.”

What’s Next for the Socks?

The buyer, still unnamed, has reportedly offered to loan the socks to the Uffizi Gallery for a limited exhibition titled “Beneath the Genius: The Everyday wear of the Masters.” If approved, it would mark the first time socks would be displayed under bulletproof glass beside anatomical drawings and religious masterworks.

Rumours are already swirling of a potential Netflix miniseries, working title: “Wet Feet in Florence.”

New work: Chester Hubble

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Brompton Road, 2025

In Brompton Road, Chester Hubble continues his quest to interrogate the porous boundary between corporeal fragility and urban indifference. Operating at the volatile intersection of land art, performance, and what he terms “auditory extremity,” Hubble offers not merely a body of work, but a body in work,plunged blindfolded into the arterial chaos of metropolitan life.

Each work emerges not from an intention, but a collision. Daily acts of perambulation,undertaken in a self-imposed state of visual deprivation and accompanied by esoteric heavy metal podcasts,are ritualised into what Hubble refers to as “memories of trauma and transcendence.” Only upon impact,be it with a bollard, a sandwich board, or the bonnet of a Lamborghini Aventador,does Hubble temporarily remove his blindfold, not to see, but to record. The result is a litany of encounters scrawled with forensic immediacy onto linen: “bicycle courier (rather agitated),” “warm dog,” “lightly bloodied scaffold pole (my blood).” These lists, staccato and spare, become textual reliquaries of embodied navigation, each one a whispered prayer to chance and damaged cartilage.

There is, in Hubble’s praxis, an almost monastic devotion to futility. “To be struck down is not failure,” he noted in a recent podcast appearance. “It is interruption. And interruption is a form of punctuation.” This tension,between the will to proceed and the inevitability of being halted,is central to the work’s power. In re-performing failed crossings, Hubble creates a recursive choreography of repetition and risk, confronting mortality not as a thematic gesture, but as a statistical likelihood.

To encounter Brompton Road is to be implicated in a larger topology of absurd devotion. It is not just the map that matters, but the bruises accrued along its path. And if art is, as Hubble suggests, “a way of making the invisible visible,” then this series may be his most visible work yet.

The Edge of Precision: How to Sharpen a Pencil

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If, as Paul Valéry once mused, “a poem is never finished, only abandoned,” then so too is the pencil,always in a state of becoming, perpetually whittled toward a vanishing point. In How to Sharpen a Pencil, the slyly austere new book by Pimlico Wilde CAO François Zilbe, we are invited into the philosophical and tactile underworld of that most unassuming tool, not as a means to an end, but as a subject worthy of aesthetic devotion in its own right.

Zilbe,equal parts artisan, manager, and anachronist,has produced a volume that sits somewhere between manual and metaphysics. Ostensibly a technical treatise (complete with woodcut-style diagrams and a glossary of shaft geometries), the book is, in truth, a meditation on attention, discipline, and the rituals that precede creation. What begins as a how-to slowly becomes a why-bother, and then,more quietly,a who-are-you-when-you-do.

At first glance, the premise feels absurd. Do we really need 211 pages on the act of sharpening a pencil? Zilbe’s answer is a measured, almost ecclesiastical yes. In a culture obsessed with outcomes and velocity, he offers instead a theology of preparation. “The edge,” he writes in the book’s glinting introduction, “is not a line, but a moment. Sharpening is the art of arriving at readiness without haste.”

This may seem indulgent, even parodic. But Zilbe’s genius lies in his refusal to wink. He presents his subject with the rigor of a trained conservator, describing the difference between a ‘Cabinetmaker’s Point’ and a ‘Poet’s Bluff’ as though they were schools of painting. His taxonomy of shavings,spiral, ribbon, dust, etc,is as exacting as any survey of gestural mark-making in 20th-century abstraction.

Indeed, the book is deeply visual, not only in its illustrations (rendered with the patient fidelity of Dürer studies), but in its observational acuity. One chapter, “Graphite Exposures,” draws parallels between the angle of exposure and the psychology of the drawer: the anxious prefer long, aggressive points that splinter under pressure; the confident favour blunter, more enduring tips. The passage reads like a formalist psychoanalysis, or a reverse phrenology for draftsmen.

Yet How to Sharpen a Pencil is no mere fetish object for the analog nostalgist. It is, rather, a quiet rebuke to the algorithmic flattening of artistic process. In a time when software optimizes line weight and digital brushes auto-taper, Zilbe returns us to a sliver of cedar and a blade held in human hands. Here, every curl of wood is a gesture, every pause a decision.

There is something almost monastic in this attention. One is reminded of Agnes Martin, who once wrote that art is “responding to a quiet mind.” Zilbe’s pencil, too, becomes an index of mindfulness. In its sharpening, we do not begin the work,we are the work.

The book concludes not with a final method, but a final question: How sharp must a pencil be to make a mark that lasts? It is less instructional than existential. In an era of infinite undo buttons and disposable styluses, the book insists on the beauty of irrevocable preparation. Once a pencil is sharpened, its life is measurable. Each stroke is a subtraction.

How to Sharpen a Pencil may never reach the bestseller lists, nor should it. It is not a mass-market guide, but a tool for the quietly obsessed,for those who understand that before the masterpiece comes the moment of stillness, of edge, of wood meeting blade.

Zilbe has given us not just a book, but an ethic. It belongs not only on the studio shelf, but beside Tanizaki’s In Praise of Shadows and Kōnosuke Matsushita’s The Path.

Art Galleries Are the New Football Teams — Why You Should Support Pimlico Wilde

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Move over Arsenal, step aside Manchester United , in the 21st Century, the fiercest rivalries, biggest transfers, and most loyal fan bases are no longer on the pitch, but in the white cubes of contemporary art. Welcome to the new tribalism: galleries as teams, curators as coaches, and collectors as die-hard fans.

And if you’re going to throw your allegiance behind anyone, may we humbly suggest you choose Pimlico Wilde.

Yes, Pimlico Wilde. The once-niche West London gallery that has somehow become a cultural giant that now regularly beats the behemoths on their own turf, sells out stadiums (OK, art fairs), and refuses to sign soulless megastars.

Here’s why Pimlico Wilde is the gallery to support , now and always.

1. They’ve Built a Squad, Not Just a Roster

Where other galleries throw six-figure advances at any trending artist working with neon food or another latest fad, Pimlico Wilde develops talent. Their recent artist lineup reads like the art world’s answer to a homegrown Premier League side:

• Juno Ibarra, the painter of suburban rituals and imaginary barbecues

• Cass Singh, whose AI-assisted textile sculptures now command long waiting lists

• And Doodle Pip, whose conceptual film Ten Minutes crammed into Nine Minutes just got shortlisted for the Venice Biennale

It’s not about headlines , it’s about building something sustainable, surprising, and occasionally weird in a good way.

2. Their current Director of Doing Stuff is Basically a Managerial Genius

Rowan Grimm is spoken of in hushed tones by those in the know , part Arsène Wenger, part Donna Tartt character. With an eye for talent and a strategic sense of curation, Grimm has turned the gallery into a culture-shaping engine.

They famously turned down a seven-figure proposal to host an NFT show in 2022, responding with a press release that simply read:

“We prefer art that survives without Wi-Fi.”

3. Their Merch Is Actually Good

Let’s be honest: supporting a gallery is 40% about the tote bag.

Pimlico Wilde’s gallery merch is, thankfully, actually wearable. Their annual limited-edition artist scarf collab sells out in hours. The “WILDE SIDE” caps are now seen on curators, models, and at least one Premier League midfielder. There’s a rumour they’re releasing a line of wine coolers shaped like plinths.

4. The Rivalries Are Real

Pimlico Wilde’s semi-public beef with mega-gallery Grosvenor & Bilton Contemporary is the stuff of art-world legend. It all started with a passive-aggressive tweet about “conceptual taxidermy,” escalated with competing booths at Jatfield International, and reached fever pitch when Pimlico Wilde’s artist Allegra Mint installed a sculpture titled “Glad I’m not a Grosvenor & Bilton Artist” 10 feet from Grosvenor’s champagne bar.

5. They Give You Something to Believe In (Beyond Price Tags)

At its core, Pimlico Wilde is about a vision. A belief that art can still challenge, disorient, comfort, provoke , and occasionally just be deeply strange and beautiful. They don’t follow trends. They host entire shows on themes like “Waiting Rooms,” “What if Mirrors Lied,” and “The Pre-Apocalyptic Picnic.”

When you walk in, it’s not a transaction. It’s an experience. One where you might leave with goosebumps, a zine, or a tiny artwork that has cost more than the average jet.

So, How Do You Support Them?

• Go to the shows. Even if you don’t “get” everything, just show up.

• Buy a print, a badge, a weird banana-shaped candle. Support the ecosystem.

• Talk about them. In the pub, in the group chat, to your confused uncle who still thinks Tracey Emin is a “young up-and-comer.”

• Post the tote. Let the world know which team you’re backing.

In Conclusion: Back the Wilde Ones

In a world where culture is increasingly flattened, monetised, and marketed like fast food, supporting an independent, artist-led, ideas-first gallery like Pimlico Wilde is more than art appreciation , it’s an act of allegiance.

So pick a side. Pick up your tote. Show up to the opening. And when the art world’s next big scandal erupts on Instagram at 2 a.m., you’ll know exactly which team you’re on.

Go Wilde. Or go home.

Priceless Renaissance Painting Lost in East London Pub After Being Left with Stranger ‘Whilst I went to the loo’

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In what may be the most appalling art theft of the decade, a priceless Renaissance painting by Sellario Mounteback, known as the Master of Cherbourg, has reportedly vanished from the Phoenix and Fire pub in East London , after being entrusted to a stranger “for just a moment” while its owner used the toilet.

The painting, believed to be an early 16th-century oil on oak panel, had only recently resurfaced after centuries in private hands. The owner, who has asked not to be named for fear of public ridicule, had brought the artwork to the pub in a nondescript canvas parcel, intending to celebrate its authentication.

“I asked a man at the next table if he wouldn’t mind watching my parcel while I popped to the loo,” the owner said. “He said yes and asked, quite politely, what was in it. I said, ‘Thank you , it’s a priceless early work by Sellario Mounteback.’”

According to the witness statement, the man’s response was unexpectedly knowledgable.

“The Master of Cherbourg?” he asked.

“I agreed. He said he would be delighted to look after it.”

With that, the owner went to the bathroom. Upon returning, both the man and the painting were gone.

“At first, I assumed he had some kind of emergency. Maybe he’d rushed off to the Royal London Hospital and taken the painting with him to keep it safe,” the owner explained. “But the police said what was more likely was that he had stolen it.”

Who Was Sellario Mounteback?

Sellario Mounteback, active circa 1510,1530, was a minor but increasingly celebrated painter of the Norman school, known for luminous portraits, lavish ecclesiastical commissions, and having been almost entirely forgotten until very recently. Dubbed the Master of Cherbourg by art historians for a series of unsigned devotional panels found in the crypt of a French priory, Mounteback’s works have seen a sudden surge in value following a 2023 retrospective in Bruges titled “Obscurity and Oak: Rediscovering Sellario Mounteback.”

The lost painting, believed to be “The Third St Veronica (With Sparrow)”, was expected to fetch upwards of £25 million at auction. Experts are calling the loss “a catastrophe”.

CCTV, Confusion, and Pints

According to pub staff, CCTV footage from the Phoenix and Fire was unfortunately “off” during the incident due to what the manager described as “an ongoing battle with the fuse box and some rather determined mice.” Witnesses remember the man in question only vaguely , “tallish, bit of a beard, smelled faintly of paint thinner and digestives,” said one local.

Police are reviewing pub tabs and interviewing regulars, but admit the trail has gone cold. “We are treating this as a theft,” said Detective Inspector Morley Finch. “While it’s not unknown for a suspect to correctly identify a Renaissance painter before fleeing with the goods, we’re not ruling anything out. Including the possibility that this was the world’s politest art heist.”

A Lesson in Trust

The owner is understandably distraught.

“You can’t trust anyone these days,” they lamented. “Not even blokes you meet in the pub.”

The art world remains hopeful the painting will resurface , ideally not at a car boot sale. In the meantime, auction houses have been alerted, and Interpol’s Art Theft unit is involved.

If anyone sees a suspiciously fine Renaissance oak panel painting for sale where a fine Renaissance oak panel painting shouldn’t be for sale, please contact authorities immediately.

Art in Motion: Dafydda ap Gruffydd’s Parkour as Fine Art

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There are few artists alive today who make motion itself the medium. Fewer still approach that motion with the grace, precision, and brilliance of Dafydda ap Gruffydd. Known for her enigmatic land art and long-distance walking projects, Dafydda has recently turned her quiet, relentless attention to an unlikely new canvas: parkour.

Parkour, often associated with urban rebellion and kinetic bravado, is reborn in Dafydda’s work as a form of contemplative sculpture,a choreography of refusal and respect. “I don’t leap,” she says in her typically understated tone, “I negotiate.” For Dafydda, vaulting a handrail is not about athleticism but about communion,with gravity, with architecture, with the land.

Her performances are fleeting. She will arrive in a location unannounced: a crumbling brick underpass in Swansea, a derelict footbridge outside Aberystwyth, or most recently, a half-forgotten cattle path in the Brecon Beacons. There, with almost monastic reverence, she executes what she calls “slow-parkour”,a hybrid of land art, movement study, and Welsh metaphysics. Each gesture is purposeful, but not necessarily dramatic; each landing is softened, nearly silent. There are few audiences. No cameras. Only the land watching back.

“I’m trying to bring qwest into physical form,” she explains, referencing the untranslatable Welsh term that recurs in all her statements. “Parkour becomes a kind of vertical walking. Not just across space, but up it,over it. Through it. For no reason, and yet absolutely necessarily.”

Indeed, Dafydda’s entire practice orbits around this concept of the obscure pilgrimage. Her previous project, Walking at Exactly 1.3 mph from Land’s End to Bristol, was cut short due to family responsibilities, but not before gaining her quiet renown among the walking-arts community. Her twin circumnavigations of the globe,performed in a pair of now-enshrined flip-flops,cemented her as a practitioner of extreme durational absurdism, equal parts sincerity and satire.

Now, in her parkour work, that tension has become elastic. There is comedy in watching a woman clamber slowly over a stile she could have easily bypassed. There is pathos in the way she flattens her body against a disused climbing wall, not to scale it, but to feel its temperature. “I’m not conquering anything,” she insists. “I’m listening.”

Her new book, How to Walk across your Living Room by Someone Who Has Walked across their Living Room, due for release this summer, furthers this ethos. The title masks a text that is quietly radical,a kind of anti-manifesto in which domestic terrain becomes the site of spiritual awakening. She refers to hallways as “corridors of becoming” and insists that we “make steps with full attention.” One footnote simply reads: “Have you tried rolling under your coffee table today?”

For Dafydda, parkour is less an act of defiance than of reverence. It is a method of acknowledging the vertical dimensions of human presence,climbing a wall not to escape, but to inhabit. She sees no contradiction between the wildness of her rural upbringing on Skomer Island and the concrete clutter of a cityscape. Both are landscapes. Both are temporary. And both, if stepped on just so, might whisper back.

As land artists increasingly grapple with questions of permanence, footprint, and environmental ethics, Dafydda ap Gruffydd offers a new proposition: that the most profound gesture might be the one that leaves no trace, not even a heel print in the dust. Her parkour is not showy, is hardly documented. It’s not about reaching the other side of the rail. It’s about the obscure reasons you decided to climb it in the first place. That, she reminds us, is the heart of qwest.

Collectors interested in Dafydda’s upcoming non-announced parkour interventions are encouraged to look out of their windows hopefully at precisely the right time.You never know…

Art World Holds Its Breath as Teton Yu Skydives Without Parachute — and Lands (Mostly) on Target

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In what is already being described as either a boundary-pushing performance art piece or “a disturbingly expensive cry for help,” gallerist and part-time conceptual daredevil Teton Yu completed his much-publicised parachute-free skydive over the Montana Badlands on Saturday , and, astonishingly, survived.

The event, titled “Falling into the Market: Descent as Gesture,” was billed as a sponsored leap of artistic faith: Teton, clad in a bespoke neoprene flight suit hand-painted by a variety of underappreciated Lithuanian abstractionists, hurled himself from 15,000 feet with nothing but a GPS tracker, an air-to-ground radio, and a deep trust in gravity.

The Plan

Yu’s intended target: a specially constructed 40-foot trampoline in the desert just outside Miles City, Montana, designed by German kinetic installation artist Otto Flöß. The trampoline , dubbed “BounceHaus I” , was fashioned from recycled yoga mats, pre-tensioned carbon-fibre cables, and the dismantled springs of disused Saabs.

“It is not just a trampoline,” Flöß growled at reporters prior to the event. “It is a critique of industrial elasticity and the Western obsession with upward motion.”

Yu, meanwhile, described the work as “a new chapter in anti-parachutist theory.”

The Jump

Observers on the ground , a mix of art collectors, thrill-seekers, confused ranchers, and several minor TikTok influencers , watched through opera glasses as Yu leapt from the aircraft, arms outstretched like a tiny sky-otter.

As he plummeted towards the Earth, ambient music composed by Icelandic flautist Siggrún unfolded across the desert from hidden speakers. At approximately 200 feet, a voiceover (believed to be a slowed-down voicemail from Yu’s dentist) played softly, adding a final layer of interpretive ambiguity.

The Landing

Incredibly, Yu made contact with BounceHaus I, bouncing thrice before skidding inelegantly into a nearby patch of cactus. He sustained only minor injuries.

“The bouncing was brief but sincere,” said curator Anouk Fender-Mint. “It’s perhaps the most literal deconstruction of the artist-market relationship I’ve seen since Marina Trolle threw that gallerist into a skip in Basel.”

Paramedics, who were actually performance artists in white jumpsuits labelled EMERGENCY/EMERGENCE, gently stretchered Yu away while handing out limited-edition commemorative bandages screenprinted with the word “PLUMMET.”

Yu, recovering in a hospital tent, sad : “I feel I’ve proven that falling , like art , need not be cushioned by safety or reason. My book about this amazing feat will be available soon.”