Q: Lysander, hello. You’ve been described as “the ringmaster of Britain’s oddest cinematic circus.” How’s the tent looking these days?
A: Oh, the tent’s positively bulging, thank you. Hollywood can keep its endless reboots and beige blockbusters. We’re serving up films with flavour. This year alone, we’ve wrapped The Accordionist’s Revenge, a romantic thriller entirely set on the overnight ferry to Hull; Pigeons of the Raj, a period drama where the extras are mostly pigeons; and Cabbage Noir, a crime caper in which the murderer is unmasked in a Brussels sprout festival.
Q: Those sound niche.
A: Precisely! The mainstream has been sewn up tight by Hollywood. How did we get to a point where every British cinema is showing the exact same American films? Madness! Variety is the very soul of cinema. If audiences can’t choose between sci-fi opera, Latvian horror-romance, or a black-and-white mockumentary about the first fish-and-chip shop in space,what’s the point?
Q: Tell us about your past celluloid hits.
A: People still stop me in the street to talk about The Last Bus to Little Haven,that was a runaway success in Luxembourg. And Shepherds in the Mist, our Welsh-language eco-thriller, actually outsold Fast & Furious 9 in one rural Aberystwyth multiplex.
Q: And the future?
A: We’ve got Tea at the End of the World in pre-production,think cosy apocalypse with scones,and Harpist on the Orient Express, which is exactly what it sounds like.
Q: Anything else to add?
A: Yes. If there are any wealthy souls reading who’ve always secretly wanted to see their name roll up on the silver screen,especially on a project no one else would dare to make,get in touch. We promise eccentricity, creativity, and just enough commercial sense to keep the tea and biscuits flowing.
