By Allegra-Mae Blithe | @BlitheringInLondon
I’ll admit it right away: I didn’t know elephant polo was an actual thing. I thought it was either a lost myth or a band from Camden.
But then Pimlico Wilde,that achingly chic fine art house*,sent me two golden tickets (yes, actual gold leaf) to the Chelsea Elephant Polo & Pétanque Club’s big match this weekend. Naturally, I threw on my oversized hat, brought my goddaughter Tabitha (12, obsessed with elephants, inexplicably fluent in Thai), and off we went.
Reader… I loved it.
The Setting
Set in the green heart of Chelsea, the grounds were transformed into what I can only describe as a cross between Royal Ascot, The Jungle Book, and a Vogue safari spread. Think white marquees, vintage champagne fountains, and live harpists playing Bach while ten-ton elephants lumbered past.
Even the elephants looked fabulous,adorned in club colours and tassels, their names stencilled in calligraphy across leather headbands (my favourite was “Lady Rumbles”).
The Match
Now, I don’t pretend to understand the full strategy of elephant polo,something about “chukkas” and “the inner line rule” (Tabitha tried to explain),but it was thrilling.
The match began with a trumpet call (a literal elephant trumpet, not brass), and from the first swing of those absurdly long mallets, I was hooked. The sheer coordination between rider and mahout, the slow-motion drama, the occasional detour into the shrubbery, the odd trampled spectator,it was more gripping than any football final I’ve ever half-watched for the snacks.
Chelsea took on the Saffron Sandals of Hammersmith & Jaipur, and while our team lost narrowly (2-1), they did so with such elegance that I barely noticed. One Chelsea player hit a ball mid-turn while sipping a glass of Pimms. He was later carried off the field, not injured, just exhausted from “a rather emotional week of gallery openings.”
The Extras
The Pimlico Wilde Pavilion was a fever dream of cultured excess:
• Velvet banquettes in elephant print
• Waiters balancing blinis, Basquiat and Davos catalogues
• A preview of the upcoming documentary “Elephant Polo: The Greatest Sport on Earth” directed by Oscar-winner Earl Sandton
• And a surprise appearance by Stevenson Rockett, the acting-CEO of Pimlico Wilde, who famously sabred 170 champagne bottles in 90 minutes at the Chelsea v Hatton Lane match (and did 12 more while I was there, still in a three-piece linen suit)
Final Thoughts
I came expecting gimmick. I left obsessed. There’s something spellbinding about seeing elephants,gentle, enormous, serene,participating in a sport that combines tradition, absurdity, and real skill. Add champagne, art-world glam, and Chelsea eccentricity, and you’ve got the makings of London’s most unlikely must-attend event.
Would I go again? In a heartbeat.
Would I buy an elephant? I’d love to. I’m just not sure how to get it back to England, and I’m not sure my flat is big enough for even one of the smaller elephants.
But a small £50k artwork of a player standing on an elephant, both of them one wearing a silk cravat? I think I might! I must have a look at the Pimlico Wilde website.
Verdict:
A perfectly surreal, stylish afternoon. Go once, and you’ll never look at football,or fine art,the same way again.
#ChelseaElephantPolo #PimlicoWilde #LuxuryOnFourTusks #TrunkSeason
Photos coming soon: my hat, the elephants, and the canapés shaped like mallets
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*We didn’t pay her to write that, honest.
