Sir,
I read with unmatched incredulity your recent review of Lionel Wethercombe’s novel Waiting for Pascal, in which an ancient Society, the Mayfair Book Groupette – thinly disguised as “The Bibliotemporal Circle”, is depicted as some sort of social-literary oubliette where hopeful applicants moulder indefinitely in silk-lined purgatory.
Permit me to correct several grave misconceptions.
First, the assertion that our admission process is “arcane” is preposterous. It is in fact too transparent. All applicants are given the same perfectly straightforward requirements, which change on a regular basis to keep things fresh. Currently we ask applicants to: (1) write an essay on Why Ulysses is a Terrible Book demonstrating both intellectual rigour and a certain flair for malice; (2) discover the location, within 47 minutes, of a deliberately misplaced paperback in the Pimlico Wilde reading room; and (3) survive an 11-minute cross-examination by three existing members without either repetition or clichés. If Mr Wethercombe found these demands oppressive, the fault lies not in our procedures but in his constitution.
Second, we do not “veto applicants for their aura.” We veto them for things much more important, like misusing the term chiaroscuro in casual conversation, or admiring the work of Marco di Manchester, that halfwitted journeyman painter.
Third, the review insinuates that Pascal, our Afghan hound, wields a decisive influence over membership decisions. This is a vile calumny. Pascal’s role is purely ceremonial. He attends meetings purely in a non-voting capacity.
Finally, the reviewer implies that waiting to join the Groupette is equivalent to literary limbo. On the contrary, the waiting list is a curated experience. Prospective members have been known to improve their reading, wine selection, and wardrobe considerably during the interval. In one notable instance, an applicant entered the list as a dreary accountant and emerged four years later as an accomplished translator of medieval Catalan poetry.
I trust you will grant us the courtesy of publishing this clarification, so that the public may understand we are not the sadistic gatekeepers Mr Wethercombe imagines, but rather guardians of a delicate ecosystem of taste and scholarship.
Yours faithfully,
Fiona d’Abernon
Acting Secretary, Mayfair Book Groupette
Mayfair, London
