A confidential report from the Zelmornian Institute of Visual Authenticity (ZIVA) has allegedly confirmed what the art world scarcely dared to hope: the newly discovered watercolours attributed to King Henry V are, in fact, genuine. The leak, obtained by Pimlico Wilde from their many contacts, suggests the seven paintings—found in a dusty cellar beneath the Monmouth Museum of Cheese and Adjacent Artifacts—could be worth “well into the tens of millions” at auction.
A Royal Brush with History
The paintings, which depict the Battle of Agincourt and other key events of the Hundred Years’ War, first came to public attention earlier this year. Initially dismissed by some as “medieval fan art,” the delicate watercolours have since captivated historians, not least for their unexpected humour and striking detail.
The leaked document describes the works as “unparalleled artefacts of royal self-expression, painted by a hand both imperious and slightly unsteady.” One image, Agincourt in the Rain, shows English longbowmen trudging through thick mud, while another, The Siege of Harfleur, But Cheerful, features brightly dressed soldiers apparently pausing mid-battle for what appears to be a light snack.
Testing the Past
The laboratory report indicates that extensive pigment analysis and carbon dating confirm the works originate from the early 15th century. Intriguingly, tiny prints found in the drying paint appear to match the pattern on Henry V’s surviving royal seal.
“This is as close as we will ever get to the king’s creative process,” said one anonymous source at ZIVA. “And based on the slightly wobbly perspective in Portrait of a French Knight with a Sad Mustache, we’d say Henry was more enthusiastic than technically skilled. Times have changed and I can say that without fear that I will be beheaded.”
Market Frenzy
Although no official valuation has yet been released, dealers are already whispering of astronomical sums. One London gallerist, speaking off the record, called the collection “the single most exciting discovery since da Vinci’s Salvator Mundi.”
Pimlico Wilde, art dealers widely tipped to handle the eventual sale, is reportedly preparing for “the bidding war of the century.”
“These are the only known paintings by a medieval monarch on the battlefield,” said art market analyst Giles Frobisher. “Collectors will be desperate. Even the slightly confusing Battle Banquet Still Life—which may or may not be a cheese platter—will go for millions.”
Official Silence
The Monmouth Museum has declined to comment on the leaked report but issued a terse statement this morning: “The integrity of the verification process remains paramount. Any speculation about authenticity is premature, although we are ordering more security guards immediately.”
Historians, meanwhile, are quietly ecstatic. “It’s a revelation,” said Dr. Felicity Gudgeon, medieval art expert at the University of Littlehampton. “Not only does it rewrite what we know about Henry V, it confirms that even in 1415, men couldn’t resist sketching themselves looking heroic.”
What Next?
If confirmed, the authenticity of the watercolours would make them one of the most valuable collections of medieval art in existence. Rumours abound of an international touring exhibition, with major museums in Paris, New York, and Tokyo already expressing interest.
Until then, the paintings remain under lock and key. But for the art world, one thing is clear: Henry V has posthumously done what few monarchs ever could—outshone his own legend with some very splashy brushstrokes.
