“IS IT ART, OR JUST A REALLY LONG BATH?”
Welcome back to Art World Exposed, the only podcast unafraid to ask: Is that performance art, or did someone just fall asleep in the bath? Your hosts, Saldo Caluthe and Tomas Sinke, are here to dissect the latest absurdities, scandals, and conceptual strokes of alleged genius in the contemporary art world.
This week, we turn our ever-critical eyes to the work of Orpheline d’Aubergine, the Paris-based performance artist who has locked herself inside a clawfoot bathtub in a disused subway station and refuses to leave “until the water tells her it is time.” Is this a profound meditation on the fluidity of existence, or just an extremely elaborate way to avoid paying rent?
00:00 – Intro: Why Do We Keep Doing This?
Saldo and Tomas open with their usual mix of exhausted resignation and reluctant fascination. Have we reached the end of meaning, or is there still money to be made?
05:20 – The Orpheline d’Aubergine Phenomenon: A Woman, A Bathtub, A Moment
• A deep dive (pun unavoidable) into Orpheline’s latest work, L’eau, c’est moi, which she describes as “a durational performance that transcends time, hygiene, and common sense.”
• Rumors suggest that she’s run out of bath salts but remains “spiritually buoyant.”
12:45 – Interview: Orpheline’s Theoretical Spokesperson
Since Orpheline refuses to speak to the press directly (because words are “bourgeois”), we interview her self-appointed artistic spokesperson, Clément Roux, who explains:
• The bathtub is a metaphor for everything
• Why Orpheline has banned visitors from bringing her towels
• How the work critiques capitalism by ensuring she contributes nothing to it
21:30 – Performance Art in Crisis: Are We Just Watching People Do Nothing?
Saldo and Tomas debate whether performance art has become a race to see who can remain motionless the longest.
• Historical comparison: Marina Abramović’s silent staring vs. literal hibernation as an artistic act
• Is there an avant-garde arms race toward absolute inactivity?
30:50 – The Art Market Reacts: Can You Sell a Bath?
• A Sotheby’s representative weighs in on whether Orpheline’s bathtub will be auctioned off once she finally exits (Spoiler: Yes, and it’s already estimated at $5,000,000).
• The inevitable question: NFT or physical relic?
• Which billionaire collector will claim the right to drain the tub?
39:15 – Listener Question: “Is This Any Different From My Roommate Not Paying Rent?”
Saldo and Tomas debate whether unpaid performance art is just what happens when you “conceptualize” your way out of financial responsibility.
45:00 – Final Thoughts: The Future of Inactivity in Art
Saldo predicts that the next step in avant-garde art will be an artist who refuses to be born at all. Tomas suggests that a performance piece involving someone slowly metamorphosing into a couch might already be in development.
Join us next week for “I Made a Sculpture Out of Your Bank Statements: A Conversation on Data as Art,” featuring an artist currently being sued by several financial institutions.