June 1st – Somewhere Between Yemen and the Lidl Car Park
Flew into an undisclosed location under the cover of night. That location turned out to be Luton. Spirits high. Camera loaded. Passport slightly damp from a rogue hummus explosion in my bag. Standard.
I had a tip from the agency, confirmed by a man named “007withHeadache” on Twitter, that the next big conflict was underway in West Sussex. Without hesitation, I packed two Leica M6s, 13 rolls of Ilford HP5, a half-eaten cereal bar, and my Kevlar vest (with artisanal embroidery from Sarajevo).
June 2nd – Crawley
Arrived. No shelling. No smoke. No journalists. Just a heated dispute between two dog walkers over a poo bag. Tense. For a moment I thought I saw a mortar—turned out to be a Labradoodle with a stick.
Still, I kept low. Locals looked at me strangely as I rolled through town in a ghillie suit, crawling through hedgerows to get the best shot of a Tesco Express.
Rumour was that the war had moved east. I took the A27.
June 3rd – Bognor Regis
Battle of Bognor was a wash. Literally. Heavy rain and a suspiciously violent group of elderly women at a knitting circle. Took cover in a beach hut and developed three rolls of film in a Thermos.
All shots blurry. Possibly due to the camera being full of Earl Grey.
June 4th – Phone Call from HQ
HQ (Janice, from the agency) called to inform me that the “West Sussex War” was actually a typo. Meant to say “West Sudan.” Easy mistake. Keyboard proximity, etc.
I may have infiltrated a bowls tournament for nothing.
June 5th – Back in London
Returned from the front line of English suburbia. Exhausted. Slight sunburn. Mild concussion from tripping over a badger sett in Worthing.
Now switching to film, again. Everyone says “film is dead.” So am I, inside. But nothing captures the haunted silence of a youth hostel in Eastbourne quite like 35mm.
Currently developing a photo essay titled “The Quiet Wars: Conflict in the Garden Centre”.
June 6th – Therapy Session
Told my therapist I keep having dreams of lens caps chasing me. She suggested pottery. I asked if bulletproof clay existed.
June 7th – Planning Next Mission
Whispers of a conflict brewing in a motorway service station outside Sheffield. Armed only with beef pasties and long life milkshakes.
Will investigate. For the truth. For the story. For THE SHOT.
Also, I left my phone charger in Bognor. If anyone finds it, please return. It’s camouflage.
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