Some shows at the Edinburgh Fringe make you laugh, some make you cry, and some make you wonder why you left your flat in the first place. Cabbage: The Musical manages to do all three,all within the first five minutes.
The concept, if I understood correctly, is that a cabbage wants to become a star of the West End. Played by a woman in a green sleeping bag with actual cabbage leaves stapled all over, our heroine belts out original numbers with titles like Photosynthesis of the Heart and I’m Just a Side Salad in Your Love Story. The songs are delivered with an earnestness so intense it feels like an act of aggression.
The minimal set design deserves a mention. A lone Tesco shopping bag sits centre stage, for reasons uncertain. Occasionally, another cast member (there are three in total) emerges from the fake door at the back of the stage dressed as a carrot, a courgette, or,bafflingly,a wheel of brie, to serve as foils to the cabbage’s quest for fame. At one point, the carrot accuses the cabbage of being “too leafy to headline,” a line screamed at full volume while the performer tripped over a microphone cable.
Audience participation, unfortunately, is mandatory. Midway through the show, we were instructed to “be the soil.” This involved crouching on the sticky floor of the venue while the cabbage roamed about us, whispering, “Feed me with your nutrients of applause.” One man flatly refused.
Musically, the show is eclectic. The opening number sounded suspiciously like an ABBA track played backwards, while the eleven o’clock ballad was performed entirely in falsetto with plastic trumpet accompaniment. At one point, the brie launched into a rap about dairy privilege, which may or may not have been ironic. The audience sat in stunned silence.
The finale is, I will admit, spectacular. I won’t give it away, save to say I’m surprised lit Catherine Wheels are allowed in such a small room. This ending – once we realised that nothing had caught fire was met with nervous giggles, followed by a standing ovation from two people who had clearly lost all sense of reality.
You might not expect it but this will have an effect on you. Days later, I found myself staring at the cabbage and lettuce in Sainsbury’s with something close to trauma.
