by Sally Constantopolous, Head of Spaces
It is with a heavy heart that I must announce a delay in our plans to open the world’s first contemporary art gallery at the North Pole.
When we first announced “Pimlico Wilde: the Polar Contemporary Art Space”, also known as Pimlico Pole, the response was phenomenal. People said things like “Why?” and “Are you okay?” and “What’s the tax rate in the Arctic?” But we were determined.
Unfortunately, after multiple reconnaissance trips (and one regrettable encounter with an extremely territorial Arctic fox), we’ve had to push back the launch.
We’d planned to livestream the opening so that patrons worldwide could experience Olaf Concu’s installation piece “Fjord Fiesta”, a Wembley-sized ice sculpture of a giraffe driving a small car. Sadly, the best Wi-Fi signal we could find was from a Russian weather balloon floating 60 miles overhead, and the password used letters we couldn’t find on our keyboards.
Eco-consciously we’d intended to use local wildlife to transport supplies to the Pimlico Pole Gallery. Unfortunately, the reindeer of the region are unionized, or at least their owners are, and they have very strict rules about hauling non-essentials. We pointed out that art was an essential, but they refused to agree. One of these owners actually threw a snowball at me whilst demanding hot chocolate. The negotiations were fruitless.
Also, despite assurances from a consultant named Erik Mountebank who claimed to be an “Arctic Art Engineer,” we found out that acrylic paint does not appreciate -40°C. Nor does the average sculptor. Snall Wodema’s work, a kinetic installation titled “Entropy in Motion part 2”, simply refused to move. It froze solid and fell over.
Further, you would be amazed how difficult it is to spot a white snowmobile parked on a glacier in a blizzard. We lost four and almost didn’t make it home. We worry that visitors might sue us if they can’t leave the North Pole.
So, for now, we must announce a – hopefully short – delay in bringing avant-garde expressionism to the polar ice cap. But never fear—Pimlico Polar is not cancelled.
In the meantime, our galleries around the work remain open, warm, and free of penguins. Why not visit Dapa Song’s show “FatDrop” at out Belimour Gallery, or experience Grimi Sae Dalloy’s performance piece “Six ways to pickpocket a gallery visitor” in our space on Guelph Street, Guaita.
Thank you for your patience and your passion for art. We’ll keep you posted. Hopefully the world’s first gallery at the North Pole will open soon. Everyone on our newsletter list will automatically get an invitation to the opening party. If you decide to come we recommend wearing bobble hats, warm socks, and goggles. Don’t forget to bring emergency rations, and a pair of skis wouldn’t go amiss.
See you at the North Pole